those random emotions

Those Random Emotions

Premonition:   I knew it was going to be a good day when I killed two flies in one swat.  For the Lady of Poor Aim, that is victory.

Foolishness: When I wanted to post the above on facebook and realized its depth.

Embarrassment: The fresh load of manure that Dan put on the garden coincided with the day we had invited friends from Ontario for a big steak dinner, grilled outdoors.  I hoped against hope that their sense of smell wasn’t keen and that they weren’t good at connotations and connections and such.  Since it happened on the day that I killed two flies with one blow, I kind of put it behind me and moved on.

Gratefulness:  The other day I was reading my friend Cretora’s post about being a mom and I said, “She is SUCH an inspiring person!” And Dan said, “I wish you could hear what people say about YOU.”

Wistfulness:  Liesl was licking caramel icing from the beaters and said dreamily:  “I wish my name was Isabel.  It’s such a pretty name.  It’s my very favorite.”  Someday I hope she loves her own little name that suits her so well.  By the way, Shannon’s pumpkin cookies with caramel frosting were a big hit here.  They were even softer and better the second day after sitting in a covered container.  Your kids will love you if you bake them.

Immaturity: Dan & I have the silliest arguments sometimes.  One day a few weeks ago when some (I’d say a third to half) of the poplars were yellow and the hillsides were a mix of green and gold, I mentioned that the leaves were kind of at their peak.  He rose up in defense and said that they were nowhere near to their peak.  Then a few days ago when we were on our way to town and the sun was shining on brilliant golden hillsides, the yellow mixed generously with the dull grey of many leafless poplars and birches, he remarked that in his opinion the leaves are presently at their peak.  At which I rose up in defense.

We realized that our definition of peak is different. Nothing is a peak to me if it involves leafless grey trees.  The MIXTURE of gold and green is my favorite time.  The peak to Dan is the most trees at a bright color.

Ok. Enough on peak of leaves!  Sorry for boring you.

Envy: But speaking of color, I am jealous of anyone who lives where the leaves are red and orange and purple in the fall.

And speaking of arguing, I read a great one here the other day about arguing with your spouse. I just love it.

Thankfulness:  Sometimes the deeper things of the heart are hard to express.  Because I’ve struggled so much with simple faith and been so skeptical of others and their wonderful experiences with God, I am hesitant to share my own little heart and God stuff.  But recently I was having a terrible, terrible jealousy problem, the canker eating away at my joy, the irrational imaginations destroying my spirit.  I cried and I prayed and I confessed, but it always came back to bite me again.  One day I was just desperate and felt like I was losing my mind.  I went into my bedroom and prayed aloud that in the name of Jesus, God would take my thoughts captive and that I wouldn’t be bothered by them again.  I don’t remember what all I prayed.  I felt kind of crazy and I’m not sure my faith was very strong at the moment, but I was desperate!  And you know what?  Those thoughts are gone and I’m so, so thankful to my Jesus.  They’ve niggled a few times at the outer edges of my sub-conscious, but I think Jesus is there to guard them from going deeper.

Dan found this great verse the other day and read it for us. Now it’s on a paper by the sink. “It is to a man’s honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Prov. 20:3


P.S. for Ontario Mennonite readers. My friend Joanna next door said that a few of her friends or relatives from Ontario found this blog,  which makes me both sad and glad.  Glad that someone might like to read here, sad that there’s not much to read here these days.  She said that one of her friends said she wishes I’d write more about the neighbors (which are her and Nathan and their family of 4 boys), which she said jokingly and assured me was just in fun.  But I just want to tell you what a good neighbor Joanna is.  She is always, always ready to do more than her share.   Her boys are a joy to babysit.  She seems to have boundless energy and is ALWAYS doing stuff for other people. She sews for her busy friend, babysits whenever you ask her to, plants extra garden for anyone in the church who might need it, and takes the tablecloths home to wash them after potluck.  She is very hospitable and I know who to call on if someone needs a meal or a bed.  The other Sunday she had a loaves and fishes experience.  She had gotten to bed very late the night before because she and her family had been up helping some Russian friends a few hours away with some school issues they were having.  In the morning, she put a chicken in the oven, but it looked really small, so she added a second one.  She told her son to bring up 10 potatoes and he must have brought up 10 gigantic ones, because the school teacher (who boards at their house) was like “Oh….what was I thinking?  It’s going to take two kettles to cook all these potatoes.  They put them all in the oven with the chickens.  And then when they got to church, there was a family of 8 there and the hostess for the Sunday had already invited a houseful of people and didn’t have enough room or food for the unexpected visitors.  Joanna could breezily invite them all over, smiling to herself at the timing.


6 thoughts on “those random emotions

  1. This was a breathe of fresh air to read. I’m wishing along with everyone else that you would write more… but I know all about those dry times. Everything that comes to mind just doesn’t seem to fit the page.

    The cookies… must you remind me of my “need” of them again? 🙂 I’ll have to make them again this week, one batch just doesn’t go far. Like one guy said, “They are very more-ish! I just want more and more!” 🙂

  2. Fresh manure and company coming. Totally know that feeling. You made me laugh. And praise God for the power He gives in overcoming wrong thinking patterns. YES! I thought, reading that. I’ve experienced it too, in different ways.

  3. I love reading your blog posts. I giggled about being mature and not posting it to Facebook. I deactivated my Facebook account. I’ve struggled over a somewhat dependency on it. For now, I’m just blogging once in a while and enjoying more and more time being present.

    1. Good for you, Denise! Every time I leave facebook for a time, I feel so free and good. But then I return…. Enjoy your time away. 🙂 Someday when we come to Woodburn I will have tea with you!

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