So Much

IMG_8647 Written Saturday night, November 1st

So much news.

So many families doing fabulous photo shoots.

So much happy right beside so much sad.

So much wit.

So much seriousness.

So many debates.

So much creativity.

So many needs.

So much wealth.

So much loneliness.

So much popularity.

So many trim healthy mamas.

So much to inspire.

So much to sicken.

So much music.

So much plexus.

So many cute children.

So much good sense.

So much foolishness.

So many ways to make pancakes.

I could link you to two or ten sites that demonstrate each of the above. You could link me to the sites you’ve read that denote the same. Sometimes the internet totally overwhelms me! But then I remember that I make a choice to be here.  I am the only one who can click the X and back away and say, “I’ve seen enough and need to get on with living.”

Besides, I love the way it connects me to you, friends so close & friends so far away.

Today my little girls rode the 25 cent plastic horse in our small town mall. They played “See-see little playmate” (a hand game) outside in the sunshine at Co-op where we stood waiting for our ride with a cartload of groceries. They were beyond excited about the new (old) white desk I found for them on a facebook buy and sell page.

Andre and the boys next door made masking tape roads and fields all over the basement carpet. They set up their bales and their cattle and their 1,034 pieces of John Deere farm equipment. Odyssey blared on the CD player.

Mittens got soaked. I washed my cream colored pea coat that says dry clean only.  I bought two DQ cakes for a birthday party at church tomorrow.  Liesl turned up her pretty nose at the cabbage roll casserole I made for supper. The piano banged.  Dan fixed a toilet.  Er….IS FIXING a toilet.  And muttering strange things under his breath.   Alec hummed 32 (or so)  songs in preparation  for leading them tomorrow morning at church for the second time in his short life.

All kinds of normal happened.

In someone else’s world, a bomb killed their close neighbor. My blogging friend Michelle sits by her baby, all kinds of questions in her mind about seizures and EEGs and hypsarrhythmia.  Our friend Kim gets cases like this at the door of her Haitian orphanage and clinic. War weary Ukraine continues to struggle.

I get frantic feelings when there’s nothing I can do but pray.

Nothing but pray and accept with gratefulness the gifts I enjoy in such profusion. Health. Peace.  Food. Warmth.

Pray, accept with gratefulness, and GIVE. IMG_8649

Monday afternoon, November 3rd:

Sunday morning was just good. That extra hour because of time change. Sunshine. The smell of baked beans that had cooked all night to be ready for potluck at church.

I took time to notice details. Alec singing in the bathroom, Andre coming out in his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and his too-tight black vest to tell me he feels like one of the Celtic Thunder guys.  Natalia writing at her new white desk, happy as a little clam.  Liesl’s curly long hair and her observations of Samson: “He was VERY bossy to his parents!” (when he told them to get the Philistine girl for him).  She also came out wearing a black dress with big purple flowers and then chose white socks with rainbow colored polka dots on them.  Bryant dressed in his black shirt and tan pants, lying on his bed reading The Hobbit. Victoria playing “For the Beauty of the Earth” so beautifully that it made my heart hurt.

I almost went and shared something enthusiastic & descriptive on facebook about how I loved my babies– but this stage of life is The Bomb. (But I didn’t because I worried about what people would think about Mennonite pastor’s wives teaching Sunday school lessons on Samson who have time to read facebook on Sunday mornings.  I’ve just never struggled with worrying about what people think of me, you know.)

But enter Monday morning at 8:50. You would have found me prostrate on my bed, crying and telling God that since He promised wisdom liberally, I was DEMANDING it.  Because He promised to give it generously and without reproach. The children who are The Bomb (sorry, I don’t really like that term and rarely use it, but can’t come up with something better right now) can bomb all my wonderful motherhood ideals and cozy feelings to bits sometimes.

I love them fiercely.  I just need Wisdom & the Holy Spirit in copious doses right now to reach around for the range of ages 5-16 and the opinionated Peachey personalities and the stubborn Martin traits and the Baer tempers.

(Because. I need someone to blame things on, that’s why I bring in past generations! )

Yesterday at church this really kind person who doesn’t know us very well yet asked me when I’m going to write my book. To which I rolled my eyes and said, “That’s very kind and flattering of you.  But I just get so frustrated with writing.  I can’t bring things to a conclusion and they’re just a jumble of pointless meanderings.  But I do love to write stuff down, but it just feels so pointless.  Like do you know how many blog posts I started this week?  At least 3!  And then I read them the next day and think “What is the point?? “

Well, this really kind person said that Dan could organize and edit my stuff for a book. Dan was standing there and smiling at the discourse and somehow we got to talking about a title for the jumble and he suggested Pointless.

And boy did he score on that one!  It got a whole rave of laughs.

So there you have it. Pointless Post #1 in my new series. Not that I think for a minute that life is pointless. (Well- I guess I take that back.  I’ve definitely been there.  Maybe as recently as this morning.)

But writing in this world of Too Much Already (see beginning of post) can feel that way.

I know. Everyone who wants to write goes through this.  And don’t worry about rushing in to tell me that my voice needs to be heard.  By hitting publish here, I am being brave enough to believe that someone enjoys reading jumbles. I’ve been jumbling for quite a few years now.

It’s been good to talk. Have a wonderful, wisdom-filled November.

Love, Luci

p.s.  It snowed.  Like Heap Big Snow.  But it’s leaving us fast. IMG_8638 IMG_8639 IMG_8645 IMG_8642IMG_8663


28 thoughts on “So Much

  1. Luci, I love your blog. Please…please keep these posts coming.
    Also, your little girl in the snow is so precious. Perfect picture! I love getting to know you better. Looking forward to Wednesday! 🙂

  2. I love to read your posts. And I would love to read your r book, too. Sometimes I feel my stuff is pointless to write about, so I don’t blog. I’m boggled and weighted down by the news. The bad news. On TV and on the Internet. A young woman moved here to Oregon so she would have the right to take her own life since she is (was) terminally ill. Saturday at the age of 29 she died in her home. I cannot bear to read all the things about her. It all breaks my heart. I think of issues like that, and then think – nobody want to read about Anna’s voice lessons or Nicholas making a good play in baseball last week. I don’t know. Sorry for the ramble! Totally explains why I’m not blogging.

    1. I hear you, Denise. And I just read about that lady too. 😦 I do really think the whole blogging thing goes by times and seasons. But who knows what season one is in? 🙂 Have a good day, friend.

  3. I know that pointless feeling. I tap tap out some mumble and jumble and read over it and think, “Oh my word, what is the point of this post?” Then I quickly hit submit and run away for awhile. So, please continue your series so I don’t feel so very alone when I write another mindless post this week! 🙂

    That snow. Oh my, I think I would be laying prostrate on the bed at the presence of it, if nothing else.

    1. At least you are short and to the point when you post, Shannon! I really admire that about you. I’ve been trying condense my STUFF for years. 🙂 Our snow is gone soon, but I suppose we’ll be seeing more. Happy Tuesday!

  4. For some of us, writing it out makes the pieces fall together, at the very least it helps us find a few of the pieces. But here is the kicker, when you choose to share, a lot of good things happen…therein lies the satisfaction and fulfillment for you and for us. Thanks for sharing when you wouldn’t have to.

  5. A lovely long nice post that wasn’t pointless. I do so agree with you about the internet. We all make the choices how much of it we want to take in. It’s nice to organize out loud on a blog though isn’t it? Who cares if it’s just an added voice? You got it down for your own sake and ended up blessing a few of us too! God bless!

  6. You just never know how much your words may bless someone else! So keep writing, I enjoy your posts 🙂 And the snow pictures! I’m hoping you keep it with you for awhile! So not ready for that 🙂

  7. Luci, I love your writings. Keep them coming for they are real and encouraging. I’m writing a book very privately and doubt it will see the light of day to others but writing is something I must do. It brings a peace and a calm to our wild and wacky world. Words that are backed by experience carry us along and encourage the ones stumbling around in the dark. I had a blog composed in my mind a few weeks back along the same lines as ” so much” and got to the end and decided it was pointless and never actually wrote it. Good job at expressing what we all feel.

    1. Shi! Can you share your book with me? Please? I love what you have to say about writing bringing peace and calm to our wacky world. Exactly. Which is why, though I moan and sigh, I keep doing it.

      Note to self: Read Shilah’s blog today. I saw a share by someone from it the other day and made a mental note to come back and read it. But the So Much problem took over. ugh.

      1. Ha! You can help me write it. I’ve told myself for so long that I’m not smart enough or have the right connections to achieve such an endeavor. Maybe you should email me sometime. I am so far making a royal mess of things, trying to put it down on paper. 🙂

  8. I get it. So proud of your children one day and so, so, just at your wit’s end the next!!! Keep writing, please, Luci. It helps me feel normal. 🙂

  9. Thank you for writing, Luci! I enjoyed and could easily relate to your ‘pointless jumbles’! I was introduced to you by Joanna Mack, a friend of mine. God bless you! Joanna Moir

  10. Sometimes reading is just for the fun of it. A way to connect with someone far away in the same way you would if you lived closer and ran into each other at Target. it doesn’t have to be some big old serious thing to be any good. You have a lovely way with words.

    1. Thanks. And I love it that you blog that way, Beth. Not some big old serious thing. 🙂 I think if I could learn to condense things a little, it wouldn’t seem like such a big ordeal to write.

  11. I think that if you keep telling yourself your writing is pointless you begin to believe it! Stop! Stop! Stop! Your writing is so relatable and you make your readers feel right at home and connected! Please don’t stop writing! Your point is maybe something like ‘a day in my life’ or ‘vignettes in my journey’. You have such a gift! I’d buy your book 😊

    1. You’re probably right. I am very good at negative self-talk and then sometimes it comes spilling out for everyone. 😦 Thanks for the kindness, Jolynn.

  12. i have missed your words, my friend.
    so much always resonates deep within me.
    i always come away thinking, “i’d like to sit and have a nice, long chat with her over coffee..” 🙂

    there IS much that is overwhelming on the internet.
    this space is not one of them. ❤

  13. “Yet intertwined in each and every word is something beyond faith. Need. I need to write. Although I may not sparkle to my aunt’s liking, although I’m not completely comfortable being among people I don’t know, I do know that I have a voice living within my pen, one that speaks in full volume once it touches a page.:–Moser, Nancy (2012-10-24). Just Jane

    The “need” to write seems to be coming up many posts this week.. and the dream to write that book. There is a lot out there, but there is only one you. The one you, is unique, because you are divinely created. I was so encouraged to keep writing after reading “Just Jane”. So many highlighted quotes b/c I could relate on so many levels when it came to writing.

    I am holding on to the dream that I have something to say. My “book” will happen as God gives the “need” for me to write the words. 😀

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